me and my pains

Just when I thought I'd started to regain my life.
Got everything back on track.

Not entirely true.

I just learned that when anyone or anything annoys me,
my soul would quickly fight against them, yell the hell out of me.
By crying, what else.
And eventually, gathering all the thoughts and fears of not yet having any baby.

I've come to my worst state of mind just now.
I asked God to take me now.

And I hated myself for having that thought.
Yet, I was so helpless, almost hopeless.
I started to question what I'd done to deserve all this.
My faith was gone somewhere out of my soul.
I asked it to return soon because I knew I'd betray my promise to be a strong person.
I was too weak to resist.

No, I don't want God to take me now.

I haven't done my business yet here in this world.
I haven't done what I'm supposed to be doing, not just yet.
I will only leave Him to decide for everything I've done in life.
I've prayed for.

I need to be strong.
I'm a strong woman who was taught to survive.
This is just a matter of time.
I shall refuse to surrender.
This is just what my life is supposed to lead.
If I don't complain for all the great things He has given me, why should I complain for all the pains?
Me and my pains, will only make things balanced.

I have to stop my tears somehow before they're taking control of me.
I am strong.
I know I'll stay strong throughout all the waits and even pains.
I know they will all taste sweet in the end, if I can just be patient.
I don't want to lose my faith ever again.